I get asked what my favorite fetish is pretty often. And without a doubt, no hesitation, instant answer is always “edging.” I started working under the sex work umbrella as a burlesque performer, which is where I fell deeply and forever in love with teasing. And not the “haha, you’re a loser” type of teasing (which also has its place), but the tantalizing, building, bringing-you-right-to-the-edge type of teasing.
Teasing can come with the big reveal/release at the end, or it can leave you hanging. But having the appeal, the power, and the ability to use that teasing to keep someone enraptured is intoxicating! Teasing can be brought into almost every aspect of a scene. Vanilla or kink! The slow reveal of a naked shoulder as you lower a bra strap, or even the slow movement of a hand over a hip can be provocative and alluring when done with intention. Drawing the attention and the eye to a specific movement pulls a person into the moment with you.
I think teasing and edging have a lot of similarities with mindfulness practices. The ability to be in the moment and not getting ahead of yourself is a common theme throughout both. With mindfulness meditation you focus on the present, and when your mind begins to wander, you pull it back. And the intention of edging is similar. It’s having that control (either self control, or if you’ve handed it to someone else, letting them have the control) to see you heading towards the inevitable orgasm, but then taking the reins to pull back from that moment. But the payoff for being able to pull back in an edging session is FAR more rewarding than in a meditation session 😉
Think of some of your best orgasms, have they come from quickies, or from long, luxurious, sensual affairs? There’s an artistry that comes with suspense. You see it in your favorite movies, the suspense building and building until the final climactic battle scene or plot twist. Sexual encounters are the same way. I love building that expectation, that need and desire, only to hold it, twitching and aching, right at the edge of release. Leading you up and right to the edge, then bringing you back down so we can do the slow build again and again. You can’t rush it, and you can’t do the same thing over and over or you lose the suspense. Being able to build suspense in waves, not just a steady ramping up, is one of the most satisfying skills to perfect!
Whether you’re in person or virtual, there are so many ways to build that suspense. In virtual situations you can start with steamy text messages as you get a feel for each other’s style, slowly peppering in some risque photos or audio, and finally building up to calls, video chats and more intimate exchanges. In person it starts with flirting over drinks, a lingering touch, a slow kiss…until eventually you find yourself teasing each other with tongues and touches over and over again.
And when you finally get to that big release, the climax of the movie if you will, there’s no better feeling. Knowing I was able to have that power and effect on my partner is intoxicating, addicting, and gives me the biggest rush! And if we’re in a kink session and I deny you that orgasm and leave you desperate and begging, it’s just as satisfying if not more so!
So, now that I’ve gotten myself all worked up writing this? Who’s ready for an edging session? 😉