Edging? Yes tease!

I get asked what my favorite fetish is pretty often. And without a doubt, no hesitation, instant answer is always “edging.” I started working under the sex work umbrella as a burlesque performer, which is where I fell deeply and forever in love with teasing. And not the “haha, you’re a loser” type of teasing (which also has its place), but the tantalizing, building, bringing-you-right-to-the-edge type of teasing.

Teasing can come with the big reveal/release at the end, or it can leave you hanging. But having the appeal, the power, and the ability to use that teasing to keep someone enraptured is intoxicating! Teasing can be brought into almost every aspect of a scene. Vanilla or kink! The slow reveal of a naked shoulder as you lower a bra strap, or even the slow movement of a hand over a hip can be provocative and alluring when done with intention. Drawing the attention and the eye to a specific movement pulls a person into the moment with you.

I think teasing and edging have a lot of similarities with mindfulness practices. The ability to be in the moment and not getting ahead of yourself is a common theme throughout both. With mindfulness meditation you focus on the present, and when your mind begins to wander, you pull it back. And the intention of edging is similar. It’s having that control (either self control, or if you’ve handed it to someone else, letting them have the control) to see you heading towards the inevitable orgasm, but then taking the reins to pull back from that moment. But the payoff for being able to pull back in an edging session is FAR more rewarding than in a meditation session 😉

Think of some of your best orgasms, have they come from quickies, or from long, luxurious, sensual affairs? There’s an artistry that comes with suspense. You see it in your favorite movies, the suspense building and building until the final climactic battle scene or plot twist. Sexual encounters are the same way. I love building that expectation, that need and desire, only to hold it, twitching and aching, right at the edge of release. Leading you up and right to the edge, then bringing you back down so we can do the slow build again and again. You can’t rush it, and you can’t do the same thing over and over or you lose the suspense. Being able to build suspense in waves, not just a steady ramping up, is one of the most satisfying skills to perfect!

Whether you’re in person or virtual, there are so many ways to build that suspense. In virtual situations you can start with steamy text messages as you get a feel for each other’s style, slowly peppering in some risque photos or audio, and finally building up to calls, video chats and more intimate exchanges. In person it starts with flirting over drinks, a lingering touch, a slow kiss…until eventually you find yourself teasing each other with tongues and touches over and over again.

And when you finally get to that big release, the climax of the movie if you will, there’s no better feeling. Knowing I was able to have that power and effect on my partner is intoxicating, addicting, and gives me the biggest rush! And if we’re in a kink session and I deny you that orgasm and leave you desperate and begging, it’s just as satisfying if not more so!

So, now that I’ve gotten myself all worked up writing this? Who’s ready for an edging session? 😉

Why Goddess?

Why do I choose to identify with the title of Goddess as opposed to “Mistress” or “Master” or any other variety of Dominant titles?

The style of domination that comes most naturally to me is one where you recognize the inherent power, sensuality, sexuality, and allure within me. While I absolutely have the ability to dominate you in a more traditional forceful, power-taking way; I prefer when you give yourself to me. The power exchange there is more meaningful. The way you submit is different when the submission is given rather than taken. 

Does that mean I want you fawning over me, worshipping at my feet, and lavishing me with gifts? I mean…of course, who doesn’t! But that doesn’t mean that traditional BDSM interactions go out the window either. I can and do enjoy humiliation, impact play, pushing your limits and discovering kinks and ways to explore domination and submission! 

It’s all about intention. Do you intend to fight your submission? Are you going to be attempting to top from the bottom? Then I question your intentions as a sub in general, and in particular if my domination style is for you. I want to control you because you want it. If you’re going to be a teasing brat, I will remind you of your place and remind you why you worship me, but if I have to convince you and drag you kicking and screaming every step of the way, then perhaps this pairing isn’t right for us.

I am powerful, I am badass, I am endlessly sexy and delightfully silly; and that alone qualifies me as a goddess. I also care about you as a person, not just about controlling you as a submissive. I want you to do and be your best so that you can do and be your best for me as well. Domination for me isn’t about the fetishes or about the kinky play (though those are absolutely delightful things to include!), it’s about knowing, really knowing, that you are giving yourself to me because you believe that I deserve it. That I deserve to be served and that you deserve to serve.

As a sub, what’s your favorite part of the power exchange? There are no wrong answers here. Is it the knowledge that the person can overpower you and do what you want? Is it the trust that the other person can act out their darkest desires on your helpless body without going further than you can take? Is it the freedom of giving up your choices and control? I want you to think about these things and decide that I’m the one that will be taking this power from you and adding it to my own.

In practice and action there’s not necessarily a lot of difference in the functionality of a Goddess dominant vs a Mistress dominant. Much like a mistress, I can be a goddess of pain, a goddess of anger, a goddess of love and care, a goddess of healing. The difference to me is a mental one. It’s how I picture myself, and how I’d like you to picture me. What traits come to mind when you think of a goddess? A goddess is someone you are in awe of, someone you worship, and someone you have a deeply personal connection with.  And that’s my goal with every D/s relationship. To find the divine in myself, communicate that divinity to you, and for you to recognize and apply yourself to the servitude and worship of that divinity.